Hello uncultured swine,
See my face? This is me feigning surprise that female artists are underrepresented in Australian galleries, despite outnumbering male fine arts graduates by three to one. The Guardian piece that brought this to my attention comprehensively analysed gender politics underpinning this oversight but in doing so, failed to recognise the actual problem: women aren’t very good. So I’ve compiled some tips for female artists so we can be better.
Talk deeper
Men cannot hear our frequencies and that is our fault. When addressing a gallerist or agent, lower your voice to an unintelligible baritone. I assume this suggestion will outrage the ladies, but our shrill tone is only perceptible to dogs and small mammals, so who can really know?
Don’t be politically niche
Mary Kelly’s Post-Partum Document was criticised for exhibiting poo stained nappy wipes and boring infant paraphernalia. And so it should! Birth is only experienced by women and minorities. We want to see reality reflected in art, and adult men arise from slimy grey matter, deep within the earth’s molten core, fully formed and self raised. Do better Mary.
Paint interesting things instead
Eg. car chases, weaponry, camping fridges or Sydney Sweeney’s décolletage - stuff people actually care about.
Make mediocre work, but give it more reverence
You’re exceptional at your craft? Don’t be. Many shit male artists exhibit in galleries, your problem is overqualification. It’s more important to paint mystifying pieces and be confident about the tenuous meaning you’ve attributed them. Paint a vape and call it ‘This Is Not a Vape’ or something, the punters will quibble over that for decades.
Stop doing art as a hobby
It’s incumbent on the woman to stop doing art as a hobby. I don’t understand why women dedicate hours of time to sell their trinkets, as opposed to becoming professional artists. I’m still unsure what we can change behaviourally? All I know is when a woman sells her art, she’s a hobbyist. If changing pervasive, archaic, patriarchal narratives is what it takes to be an artist as a woman - do that. Hustle harder.
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Be exceptional
I understand I previously suggested not being exceptional, but to prove my point I must also contradict myself.
Marry a wife
Lots of male artists have and found it super helpful. A wife can do all the boring stuff like clean, cook, rear your offspring, cry silently in the kitchen while contemplating the autonomy she lost in finding part-time employment that’s still demanding yet doesn’t pay much (especially into her super) so you could follow your dreams, and all the while - you can dedicate yourself to your craft!
Start your own little arty club
Eschew the galleries and begin a club to exhibit your work and talk about it over wine, cheese and small onions. Build a building dedicated to this cause. Make the dress code: Female Gaze. Have a rotation of female artists on display. Host events that dissect art and culture dismissed as trivial such as the ‘The Sex and The City episode where Carrie throws a perfectly good Filet-O-Fish at Big.’ This part isn’t satire. I really want this to exist.
Don’t be disheartened that your work is not valued by outdated, discriminatory institutions
Be angry.
Oh she feisty! But you know next week I’ll be doing a deep dive on Titian or some shit because for all my feminist ranting, they still fucking interest me god damn. That said, I don’t want to be prohibitive about artists penis or no - the more the merrier!
TALK AGAIN SOON THANKS GRACE FOR EDITING LOVE YAS
xoxox Maggie Jean