What to do this Tortured Artists Summer
Hello uncultured swine,
My nips are frozen solid which means I’m 80% sure it’s winter. Winter is the best season. Your local tortured artist can crawl out from their studio and into midday sun without being eviscerated, black skivvy’s become climate appropriate and melancholy becomes socially acceptable. Winter is Tortured Artists Summer. Beside melancholy, skivvy’s and midday sun, I’ve compiled some other to-do’s to keep us artistically and culturally ocupado over the Tortured Artists Summer:
Get a divorce
Also a great time to take up smoking. I understand I haven’t got the husband to leave, or the cosmetic budget, to be of Natalie Portman’s divorcee ilk. But I’ve got the disposition, goddammit: a heart full of resentment and head full of self-help podcasts. If THAT results in me sharing a dart with Paul Mescal, then my manifestations will have actually come to fruition and those self-help podcasts would pay for themselves.
(pop-culture subtitles: Natalie Portman (42) was the lead actor from Black Swan, most recently from May December, which is too disturbing to be a recommendation. Paul Mescal (28) is very hot and acted in highly recommended screen adaptation of Normal People).
Have a European summer with Judy Delpy
I have two concurrent feelings when watching the film, Before Sunrise, one is profound and the other is not. Firstly, when I watch Judy Delpy walk around Vienna in a full flush of 23-year-old youth, I feel deep remorse about my own flush of youth having gone so awry (a story for the memoir). And lastly, could I pull off a slip dress with an undershirt? Watch it and tell me if I could. Watch the entire trilogy in one sitting for an immediate euro boost, my personal favourite is, Before Midnight.
Aretha Brown bingo
What do tortured artists and influencers both fucking love? A good mural. Aretha Brown is one of the most exciting muralists and artists to be born this century (dear god). Her public work can be found over Melbourne, in Sydney, London, New York City - the list goes on. Look for her name, or the organisation Kiss My Art, snap it, and send it (work above).
Make eyes at the stable hand
I’m repealing any feminist progress we’ve made in the last hundred years and re-living the Regency period. Homework includes reading Persuasion by Jane Austen and Sarah Thornhill by Kate Grenville, watching Gold Diggers on ABC iview and Bridgerton on Netflix. To be fair to myself, this revival is less of a choice and more the result of an economy that doesn’t allow you to live on a single modest wage, much less that of a crappy artist who has no career grit and lots of emotional sensitivity… but, Bridgerton! Loves it!
Contemplate Kandinsky and Erma Bossi by Gabriele Münter (above)
Done.
Become better than everyone
And by this I mean, subscribe to media outlets. You, in your climate appropriate black skivvy and with your Pinot Noir, can annoy the fuck out of everyone over dinner by referencing an article that’s fact checked and from a reputable source. The New York Times is cost effective, The Guardian accepts donations as does The Conversation, Al Jazeera,
, ’s News and Reviews, .Journalism still leaves much to be desired, I understand, but it’s FAR preferable to the social media alternative of shadow-banning, content filtering and proliferation of inflammatory news for engagements sake. See? the annoying as fuck lecturing has already begun! I’m better than you.
Let your appearance go to shit
Toss out your anti-aging jellies and grow that sheared pubic mound into a full woolly coat. I understand the urge to infantilise yourself in the spring, but in Tortured Artists Summer, the beauty regimen is allowing your body to design itself. Look at the wilds of your leg hair in rapt intrigue, watch the way your face creases into a smile, marvel at your full bush and pretend you’re an Egon Schiele (above).
Start an artistic feud
I’m not a very hateful person and I’m positive this, and this reason alone, is why I’m not a very successful artist. Drake and Kendrick Lamar, Ball Park Music and Lime Cordiale, Taylor Swift, even boring old Titian, have all started artistic feuds and the results speak for themselves. Volunteer at my regional art fair, Shirley, wasn’t impressed when I wanted to lower the price of my paintings - is there a diss track in this? I think Shirl has enough spunk in her to give a retort. Watch this space.
Public service announcement: Dis Content if going on a one week holiday because, unless you couldn’t tell from above, my brain is fried. If you need me you may email, message, follow on insta (handle is maggijeann) - I’ll be watching Bridgerton.
C U Not Next Tuesday But The One After - Thank you to you and editor Grace and lots of love, Maggijeannnnn xooxox