What tf am I doing this cuffing season?
Autumn art & culture recommendations
Hello uncultured swine,
I’m a woman grown and still harbour the desire to impress my teenage love interest. Not as they are now, as my memory has preserved them. My sexual awakening didn’t happen watching burly men wrestle balls ala Normal People. No, I clapped eyes on a waifish, readerly type with poor-to-no eyesight and thought, that’ll do it. A type now widely recognised as the gateway to bisexuality, so here’s hoping.
I’ve compiled the autumn list to impress those waifish boys with asthma and an interest in bands I ‘probably haven’t heard of’ and bi-sexual girls with inimitable blazer collections and steaze that makes me nervous poo:
Melanie’s 1971 albums, Garden in the City and Gather Me
A rich social life but it’s me two reds deep weeping to Baby Day. When Melanie died in January this year, mum & I went through a genuine mourning period. Something about those yearning vocals just punches us in the guts. The gift being, of course, re-visiting her discography. Tell me when you get to the omg it’s that song in Garden in the City.
Socks and sandals
Also known as the Brisbane sneaker. It rarely gets cold enough in the subtropics to warrant a closed shoe so why cage those beautiful bunions? Extra credit if the socks are bright red. Sploosh!
The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller
Indie-sleaze boys won’t read because they feel the toxic need to defend their heterosexuality - it’s not a threat babe, you should be so lucky. The Song of Achilles is a romantacy novel set in the Greek Heroic Age from the perspective of Patroclus, Achilles’s life-long ‘roommate’. Heart-tugging and a bit saucy, it’ll give the warm fuzzies in multiple places.
Pinot Noir & sexy gingers
Full-bodied Shiraz’s are ableist. I recommend the delightfully mild headache and cherry notes from Little Giant Pinot Noir (retails around $22 a pop) or, for the fiscal minded, Taylors Estate Pinot Noir ($14.90).
If beer is your poison, try lipsing some ginger beers for autumn oesophageal warmth, my favourites are:
Diablo Ginger Beer: Sunshine Coast institution if you’re made of money
Buderim Ginger Alcoholic Beer: If you can source the fucking things
Bundaberg Alcoholic Ginger Beer
Ranga Tang Hard Ginger Beer: If you’re close to financial ruin and need to get drunk pronto
Open to further recs in this space.
Post-dinner strolls to Reflecting Light by Sam Phillips
Of all my recent realisations this is the biggest: I’m a nocturnal mammal. And my body clock has never been corrected so fuck off with your tips. Walking at night is a pleasure, especially in nature. Branches and bushes become alien, white flowers become light orbs and people become dead to me. It’s the secret behind my soft-boi, sickly pallor and sexy eye troughs.
Art in a Podunk Place
A local gallery of mine hosts an annual event, Kenilworth ArtsFest, and it stirred me with the quality of artistic output. It’s like when a grisly tradie says they vote Greens, just a pleasant, unexpected surprise realising you were the one making close-minded assumptions. As accoutrement, rural art is very uhndergrahnd.
Saying you’re “going vegan” and not
An alt-left classic, soon to be killed off by the flexitarian movement.
Stanley Tucci’s Searching for Italy
A rare man who can do no wrong. Searching for Italy (above) follows Tucci’s mission to find delicious food made by delicious people. You can’t leave these snippets sad, it’s especially rewarding when Tooch gets a little tipsy. Take a swig of your Pinot every time he says, “oh my god,” and you will too.
Campus-core
Dress code: tartan, blazers, loose pants with a practical boot, wool, unbound breasts, tote-bags with pin badges and stains, tight-fitting sweaters, teenee watches, airs about you, books you won’t read but want others to think you will
Soundtrack: Vampire Weekend Vampire Weekend
Viewing: Mona Lisa Smile, 21, Good Will Hunting, The Social Network, Seasons 3 and 4 of Gilmore Girls (watching people learn is halfway to learning yourself)
Roommates who are also your parents
Lose ambition and call it political activism. It’s peak alt to opt out of capitalism and a rampant housing market, why not settle inter-generational wealth disparity at the source by consuming your parents’ food and internet? Not all hero’s wear capes. But if you think it’s free of personal compromise I’ll have you know my mum wont let me get a dog, so all hope is lost. I also have a much reduced sex life. But mainly it’s the dog thing.
*Mother and Child (1921) by Pablo Picasso, image source pablopicasso.org
PLEASE TELL ME ANY OF YOUR RECOMMENDATIONS I love consuming things and think I’m a closeted pop culture reviewer just waiting to blossom. Cheers and bless for reading holy fuck, cheers and bless for editing Grace - Christ what a horrible job.
Talk soon, C U Next Tuesday
Maggie jeann xxxxxxxxxxxx
The dog thing is just mean