When will this day end
What to consume when you've over consumed
Hello uncultured swine
There are many types of rest and I take them most of the time. Physical, mental, emotional, sensory, creative, social, and spiritual – resting is a full time job. But the form of rest oft forgotten by Psychology Today listicles is the ‘I had 2L of wine yester-evening and now I wish I was dead’ rest. Though the only effective treatment is 24hrs, heart-warming cinema can help ease the existential dread and feelings of personal failure that come with this heinous day. So grab your bucket of grease and sink into bed like a deflating balloon because we’re looking at what is safe to consume, when you’ve over consumed.
Kill Bill Volume One and Two (2003 – 2004)
Yeah look, saying Kill Bill is heart-warming is a stretch, though there’s something about seeing our girl Uma revenge kill c*nts that really gasses me up. She does the work so I don’t have to. It is a Tarantino so there’s blood, it is long and it is an over-stimulation risk, but it just might pay off. You know how this is a semi-cool suggestion? A think-it’s-cinephile-but-it’s-actually-pretty-basic Tarantino rec? Don’t get used to it because there’s plenty of steaming hot shite from here on.
Persuasion (2022)
When a Guardian critic wrote that this, “has more wrong notes than an inebriated squadron of harpists,” I knew I’d love it. Netflix’s adaptation of Austen’s most introspective novel has Fleabag-esque sarcasm and an acting style reminiscent of the hosts on Play School. It saw me, and it met me where I was at. If you need something more high-brow (but why) any Austen adaptation is hangover approved because it is a land where you don’t have to work, you simply find a husband. Your fragile state only momentarily weakens the feminist resolve so proceed with caution.
Monty Don’s French Gardens (2013)
You will have the best sleep of your life.
Mona Lisa Smile (2003)
Julia damn Roberts teaching art history on an autumnal college campus. Are you sporting a semi? It’s so Dis Content coded I don’t even need to keep typing here this is all just wasted effort all these additional words and typing.
Spinster (2019)
Endure the first 10-15 mins of clunky acting and you will be rewarded. Chelsea Peretti of Brooklyn 99 fame finds a way to live with herself even though she’s single and women are only useful when servicing a man (sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm). The film never goes anywhere it shouldn’t, it’s equal parts realistic and aspirational, and though the feeling of warmth grows slowly, it lives long.
Legally Blonde (2001)
When a movie is so canonical sometimes the actual content gets lost in the annals of history and its many parodies. A re-watch will remind you why this film is heritage pop-culture; it’s a well-acted, tightly written fantasy where a woman can be both hot and smart. Though I enjoyed the Barbie movie, Legally Blonde is testament to the impact of ‘showing and not telling’ viewers how to feel. Rather than explicitly saying: there is no such thing as an archetypal woman, it assumes the audience will assess the evidence and arrive at that conclusion like our girl Elle Woods.
Nobody Wants This (2024)
Like removing your brain with an ice-cream scoop but in a good way.
About Time (2013)
The critic who commented on the unfeasible quantum mechanics of the characters’ ability to time travel needs to hop into their feasible time travel machine, re-watch the film, learn the definition of allegory and do better. This is an aggressively wholesome movie with profound insight if you aren’t a quantum physicist.
Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat (2018)
Watch a chef make gourmet food while you eat a whole stick of salami and loathe yourself. Samin Nosrat will bowl you over with her charm and you will watch nonna’s pummel basil with a mortar like it’s the face of their husbands oops I mean mortal enemy.
Paddington 2 (2017)
Oh, the kids movie of it all will piss you off but once you’re in, you’re in. If you’re a bit of a sick f*ck like me and don’t like it when things go too well, rest assured Paddington gets a rude shock about halfway through. There’s a mental crossover here between Paddington Bear 2 and The Grand Budapest Hotel that I can’t quite explain. I watched both hungover so the details of what happened in which is still a little hazy, but I feel like the similarities are uncanny. Though I think I walked away from Paddington much less depressed and I’m pretty sure Hugh Grant was involved somehow.
Mi Amor! Thank you for reading and I know it wasn’t very well thought out but that’s the Sunday scaries for you. Do you know? I wrote a similar piece about what to watch when you’re horrendously depressed (because if you’ve never had chronic depression, it feels very similar to hangover joylessness but for eternity) and genuinely pitched it to publications… wonder why they didn’t pick it up?
Hope you enjoyed the sloppy seconds and a spooky Dis Content is coming soooon……
C U NEXT TUESDAYYYYYYYY xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox Maggie Jean
Thank you thanks editor Grace